Wow.
I'm honestly overwhelmed about this realization. Why am I just now having these realizations? I feel free, confused, angry, but oddly hopeful. I want to be so open and honest but I'm not that ready to be that raw with strangers on the internet BUT I have to say, I'm so grateful for modern medicine.
Growing up, I didn't go to the doctor. I mean, yeah, we had the mandatory vaccines and physicals. Other than that, if I got sick, I just stayed home until I was better. I took some over the counter meds and that was it. As an adult, there's something about going to the doctor that just makes me feel very uneasy.
Mental health wasn't even a topic of conversation in my household. We all knew there was something about my dad that wasn't right but it was just used as an insult against him when he was having a manic episode. I don't think I have to say that I had a rough childhood but there yah go, I said it.
When I started feeling like I was losing my mind, I didn't know how to identify the signs that I was mentally unwell because that stress was sooo comfortable. I grew up feeling constantly stressed, on edge. Stress and I were bffs before I even knew that what I was feeling was STRESS.
Well without getting too TMI, I went a little cray-cray (it's okay, I can say that, I'm not offended) and that eventually lead me to start taking medication for my mental health. I got up on antidepressants and after a little trial and error, I think I've hit the sweet spot. I feel like my mind is finally clear and I'm remembering and seeing things for what they really were/are.
Hi.
I was named Danyelle but I now go by Dany. I was adopted in Brazil and moved to the United States with my family when I was four years old. My father was awful but he's gone now. I have two sisters and one brother. I love animals, reading, writing, being outside, running, doing yoga, and just enjoying the little things in life. I got married, had babies, and now live your typical suburban life? Yeah, that's exactly how I'd describe my life. I don't know why I've had the urge to write this but I did and I am and if you're reading this and you know me in real life, I'm sorry if this is awkward but I need to do this.
After slowing down and reintroducing myself to me, I was able to kind of think back to who I was in my youth and who I am today, and decide who I want to become next. Not changing, but growing. Like when a caterpillar becomes a beautiful butterfly or how a tiny seed eventually sprouts and grows into a mature plant. I feel like I'm growing now. Like, I've finally made it through the freezing winter and the sun is finally warming up the grown above me. After April showers come May flowers...
This all feels really hard to write down and absolutely terrifying to publish but again, there's something in me that says I should so I am, for now. Maybe one day I wont but today is not that day.
I think as a society, we've really forgotten the point to everything. I was having these really awful anxious feelings every time after I'd lose myself in a doom scroll on Instagram or YT. I have literally come to a point where I have deleted all social media apps from my phone and now make myself go through the inconvenience of having to redownload an app if I need to use it to control the doom scrolling.
I may have made some grammatical errors in the previous paragraph but the words were coming to me faster than I could type and the mistakes I already corrected have been MANY so far...
ANYWAY!
I've committed myself to growth. I've quit social media, because it no longer is social but ALL MEDIA. Everyone agrees that sitting on the couch all day and watching TV isn't good. So why have we convinced ourselves that gluing a tiny computer to our hand is healthy? Why have we normalized that?? Because I no longer believe in social media, I've decided to create my own platform; like a TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, or whatever social media platform people have used before, but I have to actually write to get my message out there. People have to want to read what I have to say and engage long enough to get the whole point. I don't care and I hope you've made it this far.
I'd love for you to introduce yourself (or reintroduce, if we were once friends) because I feel like I'm meeting everyone for the first time, all over again. Except this time, I'm being my true and honest self. Not because I want you to like me, but because this is who I am. I don't know when you met me, or who I was then, but I promise I'm no longer her. Now, I can't promise we'll be friends again because everyone changes BUT I still stand by what I said.
Unfortunately I do have to admit that social media is still alive and well within our culture/society. So I have made profiles on said platforms but you'll only find my REAL and FULL "content" right here, at quietlittlehome.com. YOu'll have to sit down and read my thoughts. You can't multitask, you have to give it your full attention. That's the only way we'll fix our brain rot and I truly believe in the whole "it takes a village" mentality and YOU ARE NOW IN MY VILLAGE AND I WILL NOW PROTECT YOU. Cool?
So, welcome, stay awhile. I know this is kind of weird and new (not really) but I promise I'm doing everything to figure this all out and I'm going to start saying everything with my chest from now on. I encourage you to also delete the apps from your phone and forcing yourself to go through the inconvenience of having to download the app every time you want to scroll. I promise you'll start to use it less and less and the fog will eventually lift for you too. I'll help you if you need but I pinky promise, it really is those damn phones.
Thanks for reading my thoughts :)
<3 Dany
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