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| But so goddamn rewarding <3 |
*this is based on my own personal feelings, thoughts, and experiences*
I’ve been the stay at home parent for almost 6 years now. We’re two months away from the 6 year mark (AHHHHHH!) and I’ve been reflecting a lot on how those years have gone and how I’ve felt along the way.
I think about that a lot because in the moment, it didn’t feel hard. It felt “natural”? Like, the strange; new feelings I was having were just part of being a mom or being married. I was new to the game and I was still learning the ropes.
To be honest; I always wanted to be a mom. Except I used to tell my own mother that I didn’t want to carry children, I just wanted to adopt/foster. I wanted to do something that helped children that were already born. That feeling to adopt felt supernatural (I don’t know if that sounds weird)?
Well as it turns out, I’m adopted. I found out in my early twenties; through a Facebook message from a woman my father had an affair with and ended up fathering a child with her. Crazy? I know, lol.
WHAT’S IT EVEN LIKE TO BE PREGNANT
Oof! Both my pregnancies were different.
The first was easy peasy. I napped when I wanted to, I folded teeny tiny baby onesies, and spent a lot of quiet time reading or just enjoying the sunshine.
I had morning sickness but it totally went away after the first trimester. Only negative, I did develop gestational diabetes during this pregnancy but I was able to maintain it really well and really easy that it didn’t really impact us much. Downside - it did mean that baby girl had her shoulder briefly stuck on the way down but they freed her quickly and neither one of us have had any issues because of it.
I totally thought the second pregnancy was going to be just as simple. Silly me!
The second time around, I had a busy toddler on my hip day and night. The morning sickness came both in the morning and in the evening. Lucky me! It made cooking nearly impossible and I felt like it lasted forever! I don’t even remember it going away.
I had a whole lot of round ligament pain, lightening crotch (Google it), heartburn, and insane kicks and punches to my cervix. Also I felt like my belly (and boobs) were a million times bigger than the second time. My shoulders always hurt, my belly was heavy, and my feet ached every night.
I wish I could do it all over again! :)
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO GIVE BIRTH??
“Don’t worry about the pain! When you see your baby, you’ll forget all about it!”
LIES!!
Both times, labor and delivery were totally different.
I was induced both times but I suspect the second time was because my doctor was trying to make baby girl arrive before his shift was over. He tried but she’s stubborn as hell so she literally came right after he came to say goodbye for the night.
Labor #1:
It was lovely. I felt nothing because the anesthesia was a 10/10! My whole lower half was NUMB (as you could imagine) and I just waiting for my medical team to tell me when the contractions were coming so I could push. I really didn’t hurt at all.
I did have a little tear because of the shoulder dystocia but they patched me right up and sent me into the recovery suit. What I wasn’t expecting what everything that came after.
The weight didn’t instantly fall off once I started breastfeeding. It stayed. Forever. Actually, for me, the weight didn’t start coming off until I completely stopped breastfeeding my second.
Don’t even get my started on all the OTHER hellish side effects that come from pregnancy and child birth. If you really want me to get graphic, let me know, but since we’ve just met I’ll keep it basic.
Labor #2:
Well, for one, my doctor said my blood pressure was too high and they were going to have to induce me RIGHT NOW! I don’t remember the reading because they didn’t even show it to me and we rushed home to grab some stuff, give our oldest some kisses, and head back to the hospital.
I didn’t have any blood pressure complications (ever) and they were definitely checking it very closely.It was super annoying.
Then my epidural didn’t even work! I mean, it did but on only ONE HALF of my body! Then when labor really got going, THEY TURNED IT OFF and I felt everything!! It felt like I was being split in half. I’ll never forget the searing pain but the sweet sweet feeling of relief when my baby had finally made it earth side.
I wish I could do it all over again :)
WHAT’S MOTHERHOOD BEEN LIKE??
Lol.
I’ve cried a lot, I had very dark days, started mental health medications, and have currently decided to actively PREVENT pregnancies.
Motherhood has been hard, lovely, tiring, and jus whatever word you want to use here. Motherhood wasn’t what I was expecting. The mental and emotional struggles that came with it were absolutely UNEXPECTED. I just wish I would have had a lot more support back in those early days because I really really could have used it.
The loneliness can also really get to you. I was pregnant during the pandemic, gave birth at the height of it, and basically have no friends. My husband works so hard so I get to be a stay at home mom and unfortunetly that means very long hours. It was just baby and me at home, all day. I didn’t have a car or hobbies.
So with that being said, the only thing I would’ve done sooner was get a weekend/part time job outside of our home so I could go back to interacting with the world sooner. I think maybe around the 6 month mark most babies don’t need mom as much as they did before and dad should be perfectly capable of taking over daytime feedings and routines.
BUT I have to be totally honest!
I didn’t realize I was struggling with my depression and anxiety as much as I was. It wasn’t until I had a full on breakdown that I finally got the professional help I needed and things finally started to brighten again.
Today I applied for a part-time job nearby and I’m really hoping this one pans out!
FINGERS CROSSED!
So those are all basically my whole pregnancy and labor thoughts & opinions.
Sometimes I wish I could go for another but it just wouldn’t be the right time. Some may argue that you never know the right time but I know that right now would be too much.
My girls are growing up so fast, my mental health is getting better and better, and I’m excited to see where life takes us. I’m working on dealing with the anxiety that has some along with starting school so I can update on that some other time.
Slow and steady, right?
What about you?? What was your labor experience like? Did people constantly try to traumatize you with their traumatic birth stories too?
I’d love for you to share your experience with us in the comments below!
Thanks so much for reading!
<3 Dany
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